The Road Ahead

I’ve got a thing for road pictures. I love seeing a path and thinking about its meanings. I’ve stood in the ruts of the Santa Fe Trail, the Chism Trail, and the Goodnight-Loving Trail just imagining the oxen, mules, horses and cattle that have moved along them. I fantasize about the adventure that awaited those who completed it. I’ve read books and the journals of Lewis and Clark and dreamed of the vastness and mystery of such a journey into the unknown. From the stories of Daniel Boone to Jedediah Smith, I’ve read and reflected on what it would have been like to walk away from the familiar and to wake each morning to new discoveries. I have photos of winter encampments in remote areas of Colorado with elaborate carvings in the rocks. I’ve found faded etchings where Kit Carson scratched his name into an overhang while camping, protected from the elements. My mind races as I think of what it was like, and how I might have fared.

Each of us blazes a different trail; we aren’t the first, but the trail is new to us. We look for the markers as well, the blazes on spiritual trees where others have walked before us. The Bible is more like the journals of the early pioneers than a Rand McNally map, showing the way forward. As the pioneers would have described “bearing west by northwest until you hit the Platte River”, the pioneers of Scripture describe walking in “the fear of the Lord” or “fixing our eyes on Jesus”.

Early pioneers cautioned against overloading wagons, taking unnecessary items and Scripture urges us to “lay aside every sin and the burdens that so easily entangle us”. We heed the advice of those who have gone before or we, like those who fell along the early pioneer trails, will fall along the way, unable to complete the journey.

We take this spiritual trip together, a bit like a wagon train. The adventure lies before us, and each night, as we offer our evening prayers and whisper our dreams to the night air, remember to point that wagon tongue to the North Star.

 

Comprehending the Code

Today is my anniversary, Janet and I married in 1973, if you take that from 2011 you will know how long ago that was and I won’t have to do the math.  I haven’t always understood her, in fact I still don’t understand her, I just try to be understanding. Now don’t misread that, I love her (beyond my own life) but I don’t understand her.

Like a person living in a foreign country, unfamiliar with the language, I’ve learned the essential phrases…Where’s the bathroom husbands can use? Are these towels for me or are they just show off towels? Usually, between the expression on her face and the inflection in her voice I can figure out if the answer is a yes or a no, and thankfully she points alot. But, having survived marriage longer than many of my peers, and being a licensed clinical marriage and family therapist, I’ve learned to interpret some of the code and I’m beginning to pick up on some of the nuances that seem to fly right over the heads of my contemporary husbands.

Let me give you just five phrases that I’ve heard recently. Now, before you jump to conclusions, I speak with many couples every week and some of these phrases very likely came from conversations with them. I am not saying they did, because confidentiality requires me to keep our conversations secret. But don’t get the impression that these kinds of phrases happen in my house.

1. Honey, would you make a stew today?  From that you might think she likes your stew, or perhaps the weather is changing and it is a perfect soup or stew day.  Wrong What this really means is, I’ve been after you for three weeks to sharpen my knives and maybe if you try cutting up steak and potatoes with a butter knife you will recognize that they need to be sharpened.  Those of you husbands who just reach into your pocket and do the food prep with your pocket knife receive style points but if you don’t sharpen her knives while you do it, you do not receive credit for your answer.

2. Sugar, thanks for fixing the washing machine. You repaired the washer without calling the service technician, good for you. Please don’t think this is an acknowledgement of your mechanical superiority to the ape. What she really means is, When are you going to gather up these water pump pliers, screwdrivers, Teflon tape and spare screws, bolts and nuts and drag them out to the garage? If you understand the translation of this one before you crawl under the sheets and find all this piled on your side of the bed…. there is hope for you.

3. Darling, would you mind starting my car and turning the defroster on for me this morning?  Nope, it has nothing to do with safety or seeking her personal comfort. This is code for, Maybe when you trip on those two by fours in my side of the garage you will remember that a car goes there, not some weekend project you began June 12th and you will never finish anyway! This translation is a bit tricky, deciding to get back to work on that weekend project is not accurately interpreting the phrase.

4. Is it hot in here or is it just me? Stop, before you go any further, if you hear the phrase, or is it just me, that doesn’t ever mean it is her. If you missed that, you fail and you are doomed to take that only trek to the dead bull elephant bone pile. Also, no matter what language you speak never put together phrases about “the change”, “time of life” or any other reference to aging. The translation is, Would you please get up and turn down that thermostat. While you are up you can go put that nifty down vest on under your teeshirt that makes it look like you have a potbelly, and while you are up replace the batteries in your electric hunting socks.

5. Do you have anything else to go in the laundry? This is a phrase that can never be answered yes or no. The translation is, You need to get down on your hands and knees, rake under your side of the bed for socks and underwear, also don’t forget to shake out your boots for old socks! And beat the crusties out of those socks over the trashcan not walking down the hall in a cloud of dust again.

Okay, that is enough lesson for today. I hope these rudimentary phrases help you navigate your way through life with as much joy and laughter as Janet and I have shared over the years.

The Sexual Abuser You Know, and Yes You Know One

In our world this week, all eyes have been on Penn State University. It has been difficult, with horrific revelations evolving over time. I have always held in high esteem the head football coach, Joe Paterno, who has been a coach at Penn State longer than I’ve been alive.

To sum up the problem in as delicate a manner as possible, Jerry Sandusky, a major football coach, has been accused of sexually abusing many young boys over the years while the leadership of Penn State did nothing to report the abuse and actively sought to cover it up.  This same coach left Penn State to become a volunteer coach on a high school level, continuing to abuse boys, and began a charity for at-risk boys where he preyed on them there. The Penn State Grand Jury report contains details I will not chronicle here.

Why speak of it here? First, evil must be exposed and spoken against no matter the embarrassment. Second, this problem is not isolated to any class, group or segment of society. It is as prevalent in churches, schools and families as it is the dark back alleys or far off countries.  We have all heard the reports coming from victims of the Roman Catholic priesthood, but the reality is, it is as common in churches of Christ, Baptist churches and every other group you can name.

I speak with people every week who are still dealing with the ramifications of their own abuse years after it has ended.  Abuser and those abused cross every ethnic line, every income group and every social class, from church elders and ministers to the atheist.

These abusers seek out places they can hide under the guise of being reputable.  They work in school settings, churches, Bible camps, and the scouts. They go to church, synagogue, and the family Thanksgiving dinners. They don’t just attend these functions but they may hold the most prestigious and influential offices there. No place exists where they cannot be found.

What are we to do? We do the same thing we do with any sin or criminal activity. We expose it, deal with it legally, and pray for the spiritual restoration of all involved. We do not attempt to cover up, hide, ignore or deny its existence for any reason.

Sexual predators continue because they prey on the weak and vulnerable. They seek to silence the voice of those who have no options, isolating them from others, and taking every advantage of them through the power and position the predator holds. That position might be uncle or aunt, parent or step-parent, preacher or Bible class teacher, camp director or coach.

Under the guise of that place of trust, they prey on the vulnerable. Pure and undefiled religion has, as one of its components, the requirement to remember the fatherless (those without a safety net) and to keep oneself unstained by the world.

It is a bigger task than we thought it was.

 

When Hanging Upside Down Doesn’t Cut it Anymore

“Everybody’s a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree it will spend its whole life believing it’s stupid.”  Einstein

I really enjoyed that quote. For a child to find their niche is wonderful. To be the fastest in the class and know you will win all the races at recess is powerful. It ups your prestige at recess. The ability to hang upside down from the monkey bars and release your hands can vault you to stardom in kindergarten. Knowing, almost unerringly, how to spell the most complex of words, coupled with the speed to raise your hand before anyone else in the class, can make 3rd grade seem like the most important time of one’s life.

Unfortunately, there are the “speed challenged kids”, the “coordination challenged kids”, and the “spelling challenged” kids in our world. If you can excel at one thing, valued by others, life is pretty good. But if you have that lethal combination of not being good at recess and not being good in the classroom, that can make school pretty unbearable.

It doesn’t just happen in classrooms. There are those who are great at teaching classes, organizing potlucks, or pulling off the high B in ‘O Lord Our Lord.’ Some folks just don’t excel at those things. Sitting in church pews, enduring sermons, dressing up nice, saying lofty prayers, and on and on… It is a challenge for people.

But like my friends on the playground, one day we leave recess and enter life. We find that all of life isn’t about monkey bars and fast races. We learn later in life that the world has spell check. Then we find that the ability to think mechanically might be as important as swinging across the monkey bars. We learn that the high hurdles aren’t found in business office hallways. We learn our niche and life improves.

One day we might leave worship centers and enter life as well. We might find then that hearts of compassion trump cute sermon illustrations. We may find that generosity is superior to a screeching “high B”. We might find eyes open to the hurt of others is greater than cleaning up for a worship period.

When we do, we won’t believe we’re stupid anymore.

 

The Right Mindset

Yesterday I sat in an interesting lecture that I would like to reflect on here in this forum. One of the things about truth is that it is truth no matter where you find it. I love how the information I can pick up at a conference on neuroscience can fit so well with what I know from other fields.

As you know, I work with children who struggle in schools, families and relationships. A number of those children are diagnosed with ADD (attention deficit disorder) or ADHD (attention deficit disorder with hyperactivity). The disorders cause about 5% of the population to process information in a very different way. In reality, their brains function in a manner very different from the rest of people. I could go on and describe the distinctions in the size and blood flow to their prefrontal cortex of the brain, but it becomes overly detailed and tedious. The net result is, when children with ADD or ADHD are screamed at or lectured, as many frustrated parents, teachers, or grandparents might do, the blood flow to the centers of the brain that process information shut down and they stop learning. Information is not being processed. Some things can help them learn, but agitation cannot be one of them.

Let’s just say, since there is a physical difference in the manner in which the brain exists and works, to punish a child for ADD or ADHD is much like punishing someone for being under 5 foot 5 inches or for having long fingers. It is something that exists and we may be able to compensate for it; however, we cannot alter the fact. But how does this have anything to do with God and Scripture?

One of the treatment processes for ADD and ADHD is to help children and adults to learn how to “work around” the abnormality. As someone who is short might have to use a stool from time to time, we can learn to work differently in our thinking and behaviors. So, for me, the question is: What is the stool that someone with ADD or ADHD needs to help them succeed?

Paul says, Let no unwholesome word proceed from your mouth, but only such a word as is good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear. Ephesians 4:29  Now, I am not too sure about you, but I know I really struggle with this discipline. I need to get my mind focused to think about what I am going to say and how I am going to say it. When I do so, I change and I can change those around me.

If a person hears, reviews, and thinks about just three positive things per day at a focused time, the brain begins to anticipate and look for positive things all throughout the day. This is due to neuroplasicity. The brain can actually change on a cellular level, functioning in a new and different way. Can you imagine the power that would exist in your world if you began to anticipate doing well? What if you expected to find a way to be successful?

I am not just talking about the absence of criticism, but what if I actively praised genuinely good things in others. What if I reviewed each morning three things that God had blessed me with? What if I looked for the blessings of God in my world? Neuroscience would tell us that we will become aware of them, not fabricating them, but seeing what is already there.

All the things Jesus told us about our speech, they sort of take on a whole new meaning to me. I’ll see you next week.

 

Setting the World on its Ear

How do you set the world on its ear? What will turn it upside down, inside out and make it never the same?

In my lifetime there have been a few events that seemed to do that. The day that President Kennedy was killed in Dallas was such an event. When Neil Armstrong took his first step on the moon, all the world stopped to look. The day the Twin Towers of the World Trade Center fell in New York was a day like that. We might argue the explosion of the Challenger and the disintegration of Columbia caused us all to stop and think as well.

One day in the city of Jerusalem Jesus came to town. The entire community had been abuzz as people talked about who he was and what they had heard. Matthew says, “When Jesus entered Jerusalem, all the city was filled with excitement. The people asked, “Who is this man?”

Different factions had different answers and you would have heard them all that day, had you been there. The Pharisees and Sadducees would have used words like “Imposter” or “Blasphemer” to describe him. They were jealous of his popularity and threatened that he did not defer to them.

You might also have heard others saying, “Teacher”, “Healer”, “Prophet” or “King”. The stories were racing throughout the community of healings, feasts, parties, and teachings. Everyone would have known someone who had been touched by him. Perhaps a friend’s daughter, or a neighbor’s mother or even the old blind beggar who once squatted just outside of the gates of the city. Phenomenal stories of lepers being restored to health, demons being cast off the cliff in a herd of pigs and deformed limbs being straightened and strengthened.

There would have been quiet stories as well. “I ate with him once, no really. Even me with a bunch of other outcasts.” Jesus didn’t seek out the parties of the nobles and the elite where the food would be plentiful and the wine flowing unendingly. He freely ate with the people on the edge of society. A prostitute was more likely to have shared a meal with Jesus than any nobleman of Jerusalem.

Yes, the city was on its ear that day as Jesus rode into town. No, not in a splendid carriage or waving from the back of a racing chariot, but on the back of a donkey’s colt. And as he came through the streets the roads were carpeted with palm branches.

It was quite a day, that day when Jesus came into Jerusalem. Of course, the rest of the world was turned on its ear a week later when confused Romans stood outside an empty tomb muttering, “What happened?” A world that has never been the same.

 

What Are The Basics of Following God?

What is it that God truly wants from us? That question has been asked by believers since the beginning of time. Since God’s expectations are based on his nature (ie., faithfulness, truth, fidelity, mercy, justice, etc) we understand that the overriding principles from either testament should give very similar insight into God’s desires.

Micah 6:8 reminds us that he desires us to do what is right, to love what is merciful, and to walk humbly before God. This seems to be a big picture view of what God wants, not the details but the overriding principles.

In the New Testament (Mark 3) when Jesus was tested by folks checking to see if he would heal on the Sabbath, he asked for the big picture. “Is it right to do good or evil on the Sabbath? To save or to kill?” He seems to be asking… “How do you see God and his instruction?” Don’t let your details destroy the demonstration of his nature.

When Isaiah 9 describes what the child born to the virgin would do with his kingdom, he says, “He will make it strong by ruling with justice and goodness from now on and forever.” So the guiding principles of the new kingdom will be twofold, justice and goodness. This isn’t some random decision by God, rather it is a reflection of who he is.

When Jews reduced the kingdom to Sabbath observance and circumcision, God set them straight by emphasizing doing right and being kind. Jesus showed us in his life because to have “seen him is to see the Father.”

If we reduce the kingdom to what happens in a Sunday assembly or some definition of a church act like communion or plurality of elders, rather than seeing ourselves defined by doing right and being kind, we fall into the same trap.

James said, There are people who think they have it right, but they don’t act like it. God desires a religion characterized by two things, taking care of those at risk and doing the right thing (James 1:26,27). The reason is because God does what is right and takes care of those who are hopeless. We have to reflect his nature or he will never be satisfied.

Remember Jesus told the story (Matthew 25:31-46) of a group of people who showed up at heaven’s gate ready to sit on the clouds and pluck harps for eternity. He told them that he never knew them, not because they got some point of doctrine wrong, but because they missed the whole point. When you saw people vulnerable, hungry, thirsty or naked, you didn’t do anything.

When Peter, James and John hammered out common ground with Paul and Barnabas in their two ministries (Galatians 2) the admonition was, Preach the Good News and remember the poor.

I think I am seeing a theme here… are you?

 

Sunday Morning Noise

There is the typical noise of the morning here today. The dogs are at war this morning, running, wrestling, bumping and barking… lots of things go into a dog war. Now dog war might be a misnomer. Perhaps aggressive play or the dance of domination would be better descriptors.

The dogs don’t really hurt each other, they are just defining who is in charge, doing it through their play. They roll around the floor, race outside, then suddenly there is a collision and one runs off happy because they believe they are the victor. Dogs are a bit naïve.

Across the country on a Sunday morning there will be the typical noise of Sundays. Songs will be sung, prayers offered up… coins will be squeezed or tapped from the hands of children as the collection plate passes by. There will be parents shushing children, the ripping sound of checks from checkbooks, the noise of songbooks being scraped from the songbook racks on the back of pews and the sound of pages turning in Bibles as we all try to get on the same page.

Scripture will be read from pulpits or behind communion tables, the communion plates will clink together as they are gathered up again at the back of the auditoriums. Words will be used, words seldom heard except for Sunday mornings. Words like redemption, sanctification, propitiation, and reconciliation. For some it will be just words, strangely familiar, but unknown and mysterious. A religious vocabulary as foreign and steeped in culture as the language of physicians or scientists.

There will be some who stand by confused across the country today. It is all new to them. It might look as confusing as a dog fight and as easily misunderstood. Sure they could learn about it, or participate ignorantly until it seems familiar, if they have the endurance to wait it out. Some never learn the meanings of the words. We probably don’t want to pass out a test on some of our exclusive church language. Try defining “separate and apart” or “much wonted health” in 15 words or less. I remember reading a funeral flyer where the song Jesus Savior, Pilot Me was written, Jesus Save Your Pilot, Me.

Over time they will learn to pick up on “preacher signals” of the wind down, and grab their songbook from the rack and scrape it out with the same precision and timing as the rest of us. But will they learn the meaning of the Good News? Will they become comfortable with us and our traditions or will they become comfortable with our Lord. The two things are not the same always.

Today, the noise needs to be replaced with connection, the sounds with explanation, and the activity with bonding. Then, God will smile in heaven.

 

How Do You Think?

I read a little blurb this week that I want to pass on to you. It troubles me because it reflects something I don’t want to be true about me or my writing. It indicates a poor focus and should be corrected. Pat Keifert said, “Church of Christ leaders use God as the subject of an active verb less than 5% of the time.”  For those of you who might not remember your English grammar, the subject of an active voice verb performs the action of a verb, such as “I throw the ball.”

The implication of the speaker’s analysis is that we don’t talk much about what God does. We write about what we do, what the church should do, and what others are doing, but we are troublingly quiet about what God does.

It is difficult to feel loved by, protected by, or drawn by a passive God. We can’t kneel at the feet in awe of a God who is disconnected, uninvolved, or impotent in the world in which we live. So if we would impact the world we need to change our language.

I don’t want you to get the idea that the study indicates that we don’t believe God does things in our world. That simply wouldn’t be true. But it does imply that we don’t talk about it. We might have the focus on the wrong agent of impact and change for our society.

We do have an obligation to touch and shape the world around us. God does work through us to accomplish some of his work in this world. But only some of it. Do you remember the little saying, “God has no hands but these hands”?  WRONG!

God is still mighty to save. The same God who hung the moon and stars, swept back the seas and brought forth land, and breathed into a pile of dirt the breath of life to form the first man, works today. He counts the hairs on every head, observes the fall of every sparrow, provides bread for the hungry, rest for the weary and help for the helpless, just as he always has.

He not only hears my prayers in the darkness but rolls back the clouds of heaven to move the earth to accomplish those things that are in accordance to his will. He is offering shade by day and comfort by night to each of his children. He moves to soften the heart of the sinner, opens the doors of opportunity for the Gospel and leads the chorus of angels in songs of rejoicing over each one that comes to him.

Let us never be so shallow as to think that God is constrained to save by the feeble efforts that his church puts forth to bless the world.

Connecting to Emotions

One of the things I do to relax is to play my guitars. I have 3 guitars, a dobro, and a mandolin, none of which I am very accomplished at. I enjoy old bluegrass, 1940-60′s country music, and music of my own design. I am not a very good nor a prolific song writer but I enjoy the challenge. I sometimes write with a local songwriter here, Darrell Bauer. Darrell is far better at melodies than I am.  I am in his debt for lots of lessons in what works and what won’t in music.

I recently wrote a song called, The Song I Never Wrote You. In it I examined some of my own stifled emotions. I will include a few verses for you, then I want to talk about how it happens.

You asked me why I didn’t write one, a love song about you and me.

But words can’t express the emotions, those emotions you finally set free.

Your dark eyes are full of compassion, your soft lips bring kisses so sweet.

A heart with no limits of kindness, and  a smile that makes my world complete.

So this is the song I never wrote you, these are the words I can’t say.

I’m singing the words I don’t say dear, at last you will hear them this way.

 

When we started our lives were so different, you were so quiet and shy.

I was just loud, abrasive and crude, then you picked me and all wondered why.

Through the years we developed our dreams, dear. Of children, careers and life.

In victory, heartache and struggle, I knew courage for you were my wife.

So this is the song I never wrote you. Yes these are the words I don’t say.

I singing the words I don’t say dear, at last you will hear them this way.

 

The song has another verse or two but that is enough to make my point.  I often have trouble expressing emotions. Many of us do, in fact. Pre-tacit knowledge are things we learn before we have language to express them. As infants we learn about love, loneliness, fear, and joy, along with many other experiences,  before we possess the words to express or process what those things mean. So when we attempt to put words to raw and very basic emotions we tend to fail at it, or to feel as though we have not done a good job of expressing it.

I grew up in a family that was very emotional, passionate, and often volatile, but we didn’t talk much about our emotions. We yelled, screamed, and often fought but didn’t say very much about how we felt. As time went on and I formed my own family unit, I was not as free with my words of tenderness as I would like to have been. I think, in many ways, I just didn’t know how.

I knew my parents loved me; my father was an aerospace engineer who frequently worked 16-18 hours days, 6 days per week. He was one of those who answered President Kennedy’s call to put men on the moon within a decade.  His method of showing love was to be a good provider. Love, in our house, was about doing. We need to demonstrate love for each other, but we also need to express it.

Now it still isn’t easy for me. I actually stink at it. But I am learning to be better about it. I am hoping with my grandchildren I will be even better. I know my song won’t be a Grammy winner, but it was a helpful exercise for me.